She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
