I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
