oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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