When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
