i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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