also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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