CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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