If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
