If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
