It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
