the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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