I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
