you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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