Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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