That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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