the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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