He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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