i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
