we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
