Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
