This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
