I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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