the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
