listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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