Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
