If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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