He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
