This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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