I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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