Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
