she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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