you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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