He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
