I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
