I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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