is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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