Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
