I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
