You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
