In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
smell my finger.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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