I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
