there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
