The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
