i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
