you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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