I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
