I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
