eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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