She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
