Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't deserve a penis
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
