i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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