he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I love having hate sex.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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